I have been fairly critical of the quality of leadership coming from Duke University these days. To the occasional observer, their energy seems to be focused on silencing critics instead of fixing problems. The Provost's response to former Professor Houston Baker is a perfect case in point. By trying to hush Dr. Baker's criticism, they have lost a valuable resource.

Just by reading Dr. Baker's letter, you can tell that he was frustrated and upset. A real leader would ask, "why?" What is going on that would make a member of the faculty so angry? The Provost knows that there is tension between Duke and the city of Durham. Again, why? Where did all of this resentment come from? Why are so many people banging pots and pans in front of his house?

This has been a significant failure of leadership. When Dr. Baker's letter appeared, the first response should have been to ask him to draft a policy that would fix everything; to listen to his ideas, to press him for answers and details. The first response should have been to encourage an open discussion of the issues, and implement reforms that have campus-wide ownership. By listening instead of condemning, the Provost and the President would have gained a great deal of information and power -- information and power that they currently lack.

While bullying is an important topic, I had always considered it only loosely related to this website. A recent study suggests otherwise, giving information that seems very similar to findings about the root causes of domestic violence.

According to the study, "There were 34 percent of the children in this group that had bullied another child, while 73 percent of the children said they were a victim to a bully in that last year. Out of the bully group, almost all of them, 97 percent, said they also were victims of a bully." This parallels Justice Department findings that almost every batterer was the victim of battering as a child. The study also suggests that bullies got their ideas about violence, and how acceptable it is, from witnessing violence in their own home or someplace nearby.

Clearly, any child that witnesses or suffers abuse is going to have some serious anger and depression problems. Venting these problems on fellow students is not just a case of "kids will be kids." It is an indication of serious emotional problems, of an innocent victim creating even more innocent victims until the violence is stopped.

In a previous article about the sexual assault charges against some members of Duke Univerity's Lacrosse team, I quoted Dr. Houston Baker, a member of the Duke faculty who was critical of the University leadership. I recently contacted him to ask his opinion on any steps being taken at Duke to improve things. He informed me that he is no longer associated with Duke. So I did some Googling, and found the text of the letter he sent to Duke administrators, and the text of a letter written by Duke Academic Provost Peter Lange in response. After reading both letters, it is clear that while Dr. Baker was angry about a campus atmosphere, Provost Lange only seemed angry at Dr. Baker. If Lange speaks for the University at large, I am suddenly much more pessimistic about the chance for improvement at Duke University.

Many people need a restraining order, but just can't quite get around to visiting a Domestic Violence Prevention agency to get one. It's usually a problem of fear, or shyness, or a complex combination of emotions -- none of them good, and none of them deserved. This is a shame, because restraining orders can be very useful tools if used properly. And working with an Advocate at the agency is a very positive step. Suddenly, you will find that you have smart and powerful friends backing you up.

If going to a Domestic Violence Prevention agency is just too much for you to face, sometimes it helps to break it down into smaller steps. For example, on the way to grocery shopping, drive past the agency. Now you know how to get there. Drive through the parking lot and note where you would park. Notice where the main door is. Usually the agency is in a building that rents offices. Notice what other businesses are in the building -- shoe repair, insurance, whatever -- and maybe do some business with one of them. The result: you are comfortable driving there, parking, and going inside.

Another procedure is to start calling the agency's Crisis line whenever it is safe to do so. Almost all of the agencies staff a 24-hour Crisis line, so call it and talk to the trained Advocate on the other end. Feel free to be perfectly honest. Tell them that you are working on building confidence in talking to Advocates, so that eventually you will be able to go into the agency office. The Advocate on the phone will understand completely, and will be willing to answer questions, or describe the process, or just chat about other things to help build your confidence level.

If you break the process down to these smaller steps, you will finally be able to go into the Domestic Violence Prevention agency, and get the help and support you need and deserve.

Survivors of incest or similar sexual abuse grapple with many tough questions. One of the most common questions deals with the motivation of their molester, and is simply, "Why would s/he do this?" Tragically, the answer is also pretty simple: "We don't know." Experts agree that if a person was molested as a child, the chances of that child growing up and becoming an abuser is very high. But that's a correlation, not an explanation, and doesn't answer the question.

It's easy to understand why a survivor would ask these questions. They are trying to make sense of what happened to them. But the act of sexual abuse just does not make any sense. It falls into the same class of question as why lightning bolts or plane crashes kill Person A but spare Person B. There are no answers that will satisfy people. But there are some things we can say with certainty, and some questions that have better answers. Here's one: "Whatever the molester's motivation, the blame is entirely his (or hers), and none of the blame is yours." We can also encourage you to ask other questions, like, "What is the best way to heal?" or, "How can I move on with my life?"

These responses don't give you what you're looking for, but they're the best we can do. I encourage you to work with your therapist to shift your focus away from the question with no answers. Look into our other responses instead. They are the ones that will lead you down the road to healing.

Browse through this collection of articles that help you deal with everything from dealing with guilt and body image to learning how to emotionally detach from abusive or toxic relatives.

As details of the Ohio child abuse case come out, we are once again faced with a System that failed. Clearly, there is at least one weak link in the child protection system, and fixing it needs to be given the priority it was given in New York City.

Just for starters, we need answers to these questions: 1) Are the child protection systems in Union and Clark counties typical of those throughout Ohio, or are they an aberration? 2) What is the caseload of the Child Protection workers? What resources do they lack? 3) And when people are charged with child abuse, how does the Justice System treat them? Is the level of required proof too high to meet?

And last, what resources are available to help these poor children? They have horrible emotional wounds that will persist long after their physical wounds are healed. Who is going to make sure they get all of the healing they need?

I urge the people of Ohio to insist on answers to these questions. I urge them to insist on a plan to fix the system that failed so badly.

A news story from the Cincinnati Post tells of child abuse as horrible in its own way as the abuse that killed Nixzmary Brown in New York City. Describing the abuse that occurred for over four years, the news story reads, "...requests for help from children's services organizations were 'routinely ineffective.'"

Clearly, this case demands an investigation similar to the one conducted when Nixzmary was murdered. Many of the same questions need to be asked.

If you're a freshman woman arriving on campus, there is a valuable resource you should use right away. Check around campus for a feminist women's organization. Contact a member of the organization, and ask for any inside information you need to know. Ask about date-rape and sexual assault. Find out which dorms, houses, organizations and events have good reputations on campus, and also the ones that have bad reputations. Spend some time; ask if there's anything else you should know. You'll get valuable information, instead of having to learn from experience. And it will jump-start your effort to get to know good people on campus.

If you work at a Crisis Agency, chances are high that you are a member of several other organizations: a statewide Coalition For Battered Women, another Coalition Against Sexual Violence, another Coalition for Abused Children, and several more. Of all of your memberships, your membership in your local Chamber of Commerce is probably low on your priority list. But you may find that it is your most under-utilized resource. And you may find that a little more time and energy invested in your local Chamber could yield significant rewards.