From Apply Now,
Your Guide to Abuse / Incest Support.
FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by our Medical Review Board

I have received several requests for advice from Americans living in other countries. Sometimes they specify the country; more often they don't. But they do specify the problems they are encountering: domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault -- the same problems that are so pervasive in America. This further proves my often-stated observation that these things happen everywhere, regardless of economic, ethnic, social, or even geographic considerations.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to provide very good answers for these people living outside the U.S. There are so many variables in the crimes themselves, not to mention the variables that exist in countries around the world. But I have come up with some general observations that might be useful for Americans at home and abroad.

Can you get home?

This sounds like a pretty weak question, and it is. But there are some things to recommend it.

In the best of circumstances, it is very difficult to go to a Women's Crisis Agency or Child Abuse Prevention Agency and ask for help. I imagine that if you are in a foreign culture, already feeling like a visitor, possibly facing a language barrier, it must be even more difficult. If you can come back to America, you won't find a Perfect System, but at least you will be back in your own culture, looking at a System that is supposed to work for you. It will be one less barrier than you face now.

In addition, for most people living overseas, the majority of your family and friends are back in America. Physically surrounding yourself with them, and getting emotional support from them, can be a huge help. And chances are excellent that one of them will know (or know someone who knows) what is available to help you.

Evaluate your host country

But say you can't get home. Learn more about your host country. If you are being beaten, for example, that is taking place in your host country, and therefore is subject to that country's laws. What do that country's laws say about that? Some countries are more enlightened than America about these things; others are less enlightened. What kind of legal rights does your host country give women? What about children? What legal rights does the perpetrator have in the host country?

These are not subjects you normally learn about when moving to a different country, but it shouldn't be too difficult to find the answers to them. The answers will tell you whether or not to go to the legal authorities in your host country for help.

Remember too that a country's official stance on an issue like domestic violence is not necessarily the opinion of the general populace. Check around. The average citizen may think differently. Or there may be a sizeable minority that disagrees with the official position.

Get facts, not stereotypes

Because we are talking about foreign countries, I have to address this issue. When I was a kid, we spent several years living in West Germany. My mother was afraid of Germans -- didn't like them at all. Why? Well, she was a teenager during World War Two, and had heard and believed all kinds of anti-German propaganda. It took her a few years of living in Germany to get over that, and then she realized that Germans are like anyone else -- there are good people and bad people, and that in general, Germany was a very pleasant place to live, with lots of very nice people.

Along the same lines -- I personally know several Moslems, and they are kind and compassionate people. They firmly believe that it is their duty and privilege to help other people in any way they can. On the other hand, the most judgmental and nasty person I ever met was a white American who claimed to be a Christian -- but he wasn't representative of most Christians I know.

So don't be satisfied with a country's reputation. Seek facts and details.

Listen to your gut

I heard a story that really stayed with me. A woman had just been brutally raped, and she sat on the floor wondering what to do. Her first phone call wasn't to the police or a crisis center. Because of the threats of her rapist, she was afraid to call them. Instead, she called a woman she didn't know very well. They had met a few times, and the survivor was suddenly certain that this woman was a rape survivor herself. She couldn't even say why she thought so, but there was something in the woman's manner or expression or something that said so -- something that suggested that this woman would know what to do. And, as it turned out, the impressions were correct.

So if you can't call the authorities, and don't have any close friends in the country, listen to your gut. You may know someone -- just a casual acquaintance -- who you sense might be experienced or enlightened in this area. Consider taking a chance and reaching out to that person. If you explain your situation, and your instincts are correct, that person will immediately become a source of advice and resources and hope.