It's Never Too Late

It's happening all over the country. It's happening all over the world. Thousands of adults who were abused as children are coming forward to get the emotional healing they need and deserve. If you're an adult who is interested in joining this trend, here is some information that may help.

Who do you call?

Joining is pretty easy. The first step is to call an agency that is expert in dealing with your needs. This means a Child Abuse Prevention agency. If you don't know the name or phone number of the agency near you, call your county Social Services department and ask them. They will have that information. Or click here for an article that will give you tips on how to find it. Tell them that you are an Adult Survivor of Child Abuse, and you're calling for help in healing. They will know exactly what to do from there.

Too close to home?

Sometimes, I've encountered a person who wasn't comfortable with their nearest Child Abuse Prevention agency. There were varying reasons, all of them legitimate. Often there was a person on the staff that the Survivor knew, and wasn't comfortable in sharing something this personal with an acquaintance. The other most common reason was that the Survivor was so concerned for privacy that anything near home was too close.

That's all fine. I use the phrase "closest to you" because the agency closest to you is the most convenient. But if you want something more removed, remember -- you're the boss! Pick a place that's more removed. Choose a town or location you're comfortable with, and call that town's library or school counselor or similar, and ask for the name and number of the Child Abuse Prevention agency in that town. They will be happy to give you that information. And the agency itself won't care where you're from. If you mention you're from a different town, they may tell you about the agency in your town, just to be helpful. But if you tell them you're not comfortable using that agency, they will accept that immediately. They will just be happy that you called someone. Because all of these agencies know that the initial call for help is the hardest thing, and you have accomplished that.

Privacy concerns

No matter which agency you call, you can call them knowing that they will protect your privacy zealously. They keep very few records, and if you want to use a fake name, that will be just fine with them. They are only interested in helping you. Most states have laws that are similar to attorney-client privilege, where advocates can not be forced to disclose information about you. Most advocates, whether they are protected by the law or not, will refuse to answer questions unless they have your permission. If this is a concern, ask for details from the advocates themselves. They will tell you the truth right up-front.

Another thing to consider: usually, these agencies are in an office building with several or dozens of other businesses. You can park in their parking lot, and if someone recognizes your car, there is no reason for them to believe that you are going to the Child Abuse Prevention agency. It will be equally likely you are taking care of insurance, or meeting a real estate agent, or having your shoes repaired.

Complete independence

A few years ago, the Catholic churches in my community asked me to come and speak to their congregations. In every case, the senior Priest spoke to the congregation. He assured them all that any abuse by a priest was wrong, and he begged anyone who might have been victimized to get help. It was a wonderful, positive and pro-active step, and I was impressed. Anyway, he gave me no guidelines on what to talk about -- just requested that I describe the services we offered -- except for one thing. He specifically asked me to describe how our agency was independent of the Catholic church in every way. I was happy to do so.

In fact, Child Abuse Prevention agencies are designed to be independent of just about everyone and everything. They do not, and will not, pass your information on to anybody. It is their most important rule.

A side note: while abuse by Priests has received the headlines, studies show that married Pastors have a higher incidence of sexual abuse. Abstinence is not related to sexual abuse.

Mandated Reporting

Most states have some form of a Mandated Reporting law. The details vary from state to state, but basically, the staff of a Child Abuse Prevention agency are mandated reporters, just like teachers and daycare providers are. If they become aware of a child that is being abused, they are required by law to report it. (For more details on the laws in your state, call the Child Abuse Prevention agency. They will give you all the details you like. And they will tell you the truth.)