Exploding the myths of motherhood
Background
Once in awhile, a new mother abuses or murders her child. This is rare, but the news media grabs onto a story like that and never lets it go. A TV Movie gets made, and is broadcast again and again.
The widespread coverage shows how thoroughly our society has accepted the myths of motherhood. And while I would be the first to agree with the shock and horror, I am mostly surprised that it doesn't happen more often.
Our society places a burden on new mothers that is unprecedented in history, and is completely unreasonable. It is a testament to the strength of the women involved that tragedies don't happen more often.
Sleep Deprivation
To many people, the world changes completely once the baby is born. They tend to forget that the mother is in the worst shape of her life. Emotionally, everything is different. But the mother's body remembers that the discomfort of late-term pregnancy has caused a dangerous level of sleep deprivation before labor even starts. The pregnant woman may not have had enough sleep for a month, maybe more.
The next time you watch a professional football game, notice how the players are panting and sweating. These are top athletes in superb shape, with periods of exercise that last an average of seven seconds. But for a woman giving birth, three hours of constant pain and exertion is considered a miraculously short labor! Eighteen or twenty-four hours is not considered uncommon; more than twenty-four hours is considered unfortunate, but not surprising.
Keep in mind, all of this is demanded of a woman who is seriously sleep-deprived. Remember too that the pregnancy has usually made it impossible to exercise for a month or more. In most households, cooking is still a chore relegated to the woman, so in the cases where the pregnancy prevents her from cooking, or cooking properly, her nutrition has been poor for the last month or so as well.
If she were a football player, the team doctor would prohibit her from playing in that condition. But the myth of motherhood causes modern society to expect women to start in that condition, and last for several more months. Even if a spouse is available, the societal demand for breastfeeding makes constant sleep interruption inevitable. Modern society expects her to continue with joy instead of exhaustion, and implies that she is a failure if she asks for help.
This is unreasonable and cruel.
I once read that sleep deprivation is sometimes used as a form of torture for prisoners of war. After two or three days of not being allowed to sleep, the prisoner will tell his captors anything they want to know. It is certainly not the prisoner's fault -- it is a fact that humans have a biological need for sleep that simply will not be denied.
But our society expects new mothers to endure that kind of torture for months. As any parent knows, the first time the baby sleeps through the night is a momentous and joyous occasion. But the struggle is not over then. Full nights of sleep can still be rare for quite some time, and the human body demands a full repayment of each and every hour of sleep it has lost. Paying back that enormous sleep deficit can take months.
What's the solution?
There is a solution to this problem, and it's pretty easy to figure out. The baby demands constant attention. But it is unreasonable to expect the mother to meet those demands. The mother needs to sleep, recover, and regain her strength. Therefore, it is necessary for every relative and friend to step forward and help.
Earlier societies, including earlier America, understood this. Every possible chore that didn't require the mother was performed by others. Friends and neighbors brought food. Older children, starving for attention, were taken on outings in an effort to meet their needs and let the mother sleep.
Men who were good husbands and fathers made an effort to coordinate the meeting of all of these needs. But the friends and relatives also realized that the dad was probably sleep-deprived too. Not as badly as the mother, probably, but certainly enough to merit consideration as well.
In earlier societies, it was also understood how long this need would last, and the help continued for months.
