Warning: Triggering Topic
I am breaking the rule this one time, so if religion is a triggering subject for you, please stop reading now.
When you have been abused in any way, the very foundations of your world have been destroyed. You feel adrift, uncertain of anything, confused, and very badly hurt. Many of us turned to religion for some answers. And that is where the danger lies, because American society has a very poor selection of people who can do a good job in talking about religion in the context we need.
When I was adrift and uncertain, I turned to a person I knew for some advice. I needed certainty, and as a fundamentalist, he was very, very certain about things. So we had a talk, and the upshot was that if I couldn't feel better through prayer, it was my fault because my faith wasn't strong enough.
Well, of course my faith wasn't strong enough! My faith had been completely shattered! I had gone to him for help and ended up feeling even worse.
Someone in our forum shared a similar experience. This person listened to Dr. Laura, a radio personality of some kind, and heard Dr. Laura say, "The Bible is all about judgment. You should read it sometime." This person looked at the Bible and decided that Dr. Laura was right. But that made her feel worse. This person needed help, not judgment, and guilt for Inadequate Bible Reading, piled on top of survivor's guilt, made things worse.
Survivors have all kinds of stories like that. Priests have abused children. Pastors have lectured battered women about the sanctity of marriage and sent them back to their batterers with orders to forgive (and keep getting battered). Survivors have heard stories where punishment was the result of a sin the sufferer committed, or that their faith was inadequate, or that God works in mysterious ways.
As you know, none of that helps. In fact, most of this 'advice' makes you hurt even more. If you're interested in learning more about the Bible, my favorite book is Kenneth C. Davis' Don't Know Much About the Bible. It helps you understand what was written, when it was written, and why it was written. It's an excellent antidote to sweeping generalizations that don't help anyone.
But today, I'm going to take a stab at talking about the Bible as it relates to survivors.
It's OK to Question
First, it's OK to acknowledge that abuse has shaken you to your very core. Abuse, in its many forms, is incredibly destructive. Chances are, the religion you learned in Sunday School told you that God would protect you from things like abuse. So your faith is in shambles. You doubt everything you used to believe, and that is frightening.
This can be a terrifying time. Survivors tend to wonder, "What if I die in an accident, while my faith is still destroyed? Would I go to hell?"
Here's the short answer: NO. Look at the book of Job. Look at Lamentations. These two books are full of doubt and questioning, and their conclusions are that there are no easy answers. You are not the first person to wonder or doubt. You will not be the last. The fact that Job and Lamentations are in the Holy Scriptures means that the Bible recognizes that doubt, pain, suffering, and crises of faith are all going to happen. It is a legitimate part of our spiritual journey. God understands.
Another example is during the crucification of Jesus Christ. Before dying, he cried out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" And he was quoting a Psalm when he did it, which is another place in the Bible where the writer expressed despair and pain and doubt.
If you are going through a spiritual crisis, realize that most survivors do! Just keep working on it. You'll get to the other side. As Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, keep going!" A pastor I once knew said that he didn't have any respect for someone's faith unless that person had gone through a crisis of faith. "Then it's a faith that hasn't been spoon-fed," he said. "Then it's a faith where they have examined what they believe, why they believe it, and it's their own custom-built, carefully thought-out faith."
